Flaws in the Romantic Status Quo

I don't write as much about women and relationships as I used to. The little eccentricities that so angered me years ago have now faded into acceptance. I used to be that guy who would try to help, try to explain the world, more specifically try to explain why men are as they are and why women enable that. Now, I don't care nearly as much, because the literal romantic inside me is horribly dead. That isn't to say that I am not romantic, but rather that I can only express my romanticism in literary form as opposed to anything literal. Nothing I see in real life is remotely touching anymore. Sex is cheap, children are products of misguided fantasies, dates/engagements/marriages are non-existent or contrived, women think they can't find love anywhere, men think they can find love in all the wrong places, and in general society as a whole is a jaded hole of numb existence where our figurative hearts used to be.

Truthfully, this has nothing to do with me; in fact, it seems to be a world aligning with my views. The majority I see a world as it is and sigh, and on occasion I seem miserable in the world that I so often perpetuated. It has gotten to a point where I will see a single mother in public and almost not notice her child, as if the products of our carelessness have become accessories to our excess. When I notice the child, I realize that at this moment the child is not the burden I used to think it was, but rather the idea that someone could love or desire you and then at any moment just fucking bail. We spend our whole lives as these casual lovers, desiring people we cannot have, having people we do not desire, and everything becomes hollow to a point that you are constantly swimming upstream in the detritus of our making.



Yet I used to speak up about this, say what was needed to help people but somehow I lost that necessity. People ask me for advice still, and I just broadly reply that this seems familiar or I have no place to comment. I might say "You're a fucking idiot.," which does not generally go over as well as you'd think. Generally, I blame the alcohol for this, but the temerity granted to the inebriated probably facilitates the majority of my acquaintance's romantic exploits. Dear God, if people didn't make out in bars, how would the rest of the world know how in love they are? It just at some point becomes a problem because everyone I know seems miserable, yet I have nothing to say to help them.

It's a problem that certainly comes with age. Misogynists pulled the "biological clock" cliche out of their asses to make it seem an inherently female problem. Yet it has nothing to do with procreation in my eyes, anyone (women) can find stability and then adopt a child or find sperm donors. No, that is not the problem, but age makes people interminably lonely. They start counting the days, months, years they have been single or celibate. They rush into marriages, despite not really being happy in the relationships they are in. They make public displays of affection, yet privately fight. They hook on to any man/women that will have them, then toss them away as disposable always longing for someone to love them that never will.

Age isn't everything though. Other factors come into play. Some people didn't plan well enough, others are planning so far ahead that they cannot possibly win. So I see women with children, wishing that someone would love them as much as they love their child. They find one of the inherent problems that people are jealous of even the smallest competitors for one's affection. I see men sticking out relationships for kids (sometimes their own, often not) that they love far more than their mother. I have friends who know how many kids they want, where they want to get married, somewhat of an idea to whom that would be, yet cannot function on a daily basis on even the same level that I an irresponsible jerk can do.

There are people who get it, who are patient or just know better. There are people who met their soul-mate when they are 20 or 15 or 5, and have never been happier. These people are wonderfully happy, and collectively every time when they enter the equation make things worse. I've found that married people, happy couples, or casual interlopers like me are instigators. The couples play cupid, and nothing is more annoying than being shot in the ass. I play the watcher, and just let this all play out to my utter amusement or disbelief. Sure, there are moments that the interloper joins the party, but for the most part these are calculated or designed. Even worse, sometimes we just get bored and instead of playing cupid simply are just evil, either enabling bad decisions or pouring lighter fluid on dry leaves.

Cynicism is the natural conclusion that one can discern I have already come to, but as with every problem there is a solution and one that I am willing to pursue.

For those of us that have an idea of perfection, stop looking for it. Too often I hear the word perfect thrown around about women. There is no perfect woman; in my case, I could find nothing more repellent than a perfect woman. Flaws are something to be cherished and dealt with. No perfect person will ever be with you, because frankly, guys, you are fucked up, and that's perfectly alright. Never settle because it's the right thing to do. Don't marry the woman you accidentally knocked up because it's the right thing to do. Be honest, because dishonestly making someone believe you love them is crueler than anything you've ever endured.

As for women, stop meeting guys in bars and take some of the initiative away. Guys in bars will do or say anything to make you happy, why not try approaching a man in a scenario where he isn't so inclined. Talk to someone in the morning on a commute, at a coffee shop or lunch where time is of the essence, and the sexual gratification is a sidestep. You might think this is weird, but nice guys don't care. One should know why anybody can have cheap sex, not many can offer a useful word or two in conversation. Don't be so quick to anger when you end up on the wrong end of a wishbone. If two people agree to something mutually, almost every time one person gets less than the other out of it. Life is not 50-50.

For both sexes, it's important to remember that nothing ever meets your expectations. Sometimes you are in the middle of a terrible relationship, yet when it luckily ends you wish it was still going. Sometimes, you meet the person of your dreams, and they want nothing to do with you or share no common ground. Some people attract clingers and in turn can't stand them. Others find stable people that don't cling quite enough. It's not a race, nor a game, nor a exercise in futility. One day you may find someone who will agree to make the schmucks around you miserable as all good couples do.

Lastly, let me start helping again, and stop making me into this psychologist who has to wrap his head around his world. It's hard enough being concerned with bills, women, writing, sports, and work. My brain works too hard on random bullshit for me to have to constantly help people discover feelings that have been made explicit. Next time, listen when I say, "You're being stupid," because I sure as hell will whenever I have these problems.