Now, that I got your interest piqued, I will leave that point for last. Look at the last time this happened in the United States. A sitting Democratic president with majority in both houses inherits a broken economy, passes one major legislative victory, fails epically otherwise, and then is overwhelmingly defeated in the midterm elections. This leads inevitably to the prosperity of the late 90's and millions of dollars wasted upon both whether a man should be able to use his penis for pleasure and whether or not when asked about his penis, he should respond by asking for definitions of common words. Now, none of this is going to reoccur; although, I'm sure the Republicans may accuse the President of point-shaving in his weekly basketball game and then impeach him for attempting a hook shot like it is 1969.
Now, don't get me wrong. The Republicans, like 1994-2000, will accomplish absolutely nothing while in control of Congress except a huge waste of government money and time. This is not my hope. I think cuts are in order in certain departments.* Obama will be re-elected, because like 1996, the Republicans will give us the most vanilla candidate possible, both racially and ideologically, and lacking in charisma. Luckily, for Obama, the most charismatic Republican is often mistaken for Mr. F and is completely off the reservation.**
*Mostly the number of Republican congressmen.
**If you don't get the joke, watch Arrested Development and thank me later.
But the economy won't get better, the deficit will grow, our war in Afghanistan will continue, and the middle class will continue to evaporate as another nation rises to destroy us economically. Simply, we are out of ideas and lacking in men willing to propose them. The men with conviction enough to stand out from the others politically and actually vote and legislate responsibly and wisely are all gone. Now, we still have the weaklings of the Democratic party and the spray-tanned buffoons of the Republican. The Republicans will certainly target certain departments and ideas in need of trim. Health care, education cuts, tax cuts mirroring the Bush cuts, reduction of public sector employment at the exact moment when private sector jobs are rare. None of these will pass, but in reality: should we be outraged solely on the basis of the cutting of non-military budget as the US involvement in Iraq wanes and our military's focus should be solely on Afghanistan? Even more frightening, if you gave one of the new Republican legislators the choice between putting money forward to support our troops directly or honoring unfulfilled military development contracts, which do you think our new government supports? Each one of these departments and ideas directly affect the poor and young specifically, the two voting blocks who apparently took the election off or can't stop tripping over their own feet.
There's a Reason The Crappy Joke I Include In My Site Name Keeps Growing
*Editor Note: The name of the blog was Living in Misery. I live in Missouri, get it. I know bad joke.
Ugggh, we are dumb. Incredibly dumb. Six republican congressmen in a state that votes 50-50 in presidential elections. Gerrymandering is awesome. Why do papers even endorse candidates or give evidence as to why they endorse candidates? There wasn't a snowballs chance in hell that any of the five sitting Republican representatives were going to lose; despite the fact that Sam Graves is a succubus and Jo Ann Emerson is a eunuch.* And to top that off, voters in central Missouri apparently have no idea what the voting record of their representative is, voting out a moderate legislator because DEMOCRAT=EVIL. Voting Republican is not bad; voting against a candidate because you think he's responsible for the actions of another man, in this case Obama, is lazy.
*See how I made that not sexist.
Missouri wisely chose Roy Blunt, ignoring the political nepotism of the Carnahan legacy, now maintained by arguably the worst of the bunch who almost lost to a tea-party candidate in Dick Gephardt's district.* He's not a complete nutjob at least, and luckily for the country, most of the nutjobs were defeated, luckily allowing us six more years of Harry Reid impersonating a jellyfish. I think Blunt will do his best Kit Bond impression, being relatively silent nationally while voting strongly conservative along party lines, until like Bond he gives up his seat and finds a pair of testicles waiting for him.
*Not that the Blunts aren't a political family in its own right. But seriously, listening to Russ Carnahan speak is enough to request an execution by pressing Giles Corey-style.
We, the people of Missouri, also have no idea who makes up our state legislature, both houses have strong Republican majorities. I assume that explains away almost half of our state voting essentially in favor of animal cruelty, because we either are farmers (very few of us) or for some reason associate our values and voting preferences with farming. Your cows are safe, or not, depending on which way you took that. Dogs, in case I didn't state this emphatically enough before, are not livestock. It's akin to voting against a ban on shitty, rotten apples in Florida which twelve douches grow, when you are an orange farmer in a state known for it's oranges. One of our major cities is known for it's barbecue, steaks, and cow-town persona and we, as a state, are going to come down on livestock farmers? I usually don't get angry at our state, but that is ignorance and tea-party bullshit. If you thought this would affect crop farming, just go out and end it all. Monsanto is headquartered in St. Louis and we have an obsession with ethanol power plants, so I'm pretty sure the state has plenty of incentive to support farming of crops.
We also heavily voted for allowing voters to decide democratically whether cities could charge an earnings tax. This will not turn out well, but who cares? Best way to keep the cities as they are is to abandon them. Look at Pompeii, it's buildings are just starting to collapse and it was destroyed two millenniums ago.
Obama the Failure and the Lack of "Conservative" Conservatives
This harsh introduction is by no means a fair representation of President Obama. Well, progressives, he's not a magician, and apparently like every other politician cares more about winning than being right. He took a stance fighting first quite weakly for a tough health care bill, then was a tough fighter for a watered down version. He still hasn't rejected DADT, which means the other stain on the Clinton administration still is there. He has committed to Afghanistan, despite there being no historical precedent for success or general human progress in that barren wasteland of a country. He has been just as tough on domestic terrorism as Bush, but deserves criticism for observing laws and rights which any Yale grad knows aren't useful in prosecution. He doesn't have a bad-ass ranch to spend time on while his country gives him 80% approval ratings for being the idiot unlucky enough to be President when we are attacked by not-particularly subtle terrorists. His predecessor did not leave him a steady economy and refused to bang any interns for the good of the country, so he's not a stand-up idiot like Bush. Most notably he hasn't had to survive any daft attempts at assassination by snack foods...yet.
To be blunt politically he was screwed from the start, and it doesn't help when people wholeheartedly want you to fail. Republicans, most notably those firmly entrenched in Confederate states such as my own, wished failure upon him, and were granted failure by their dick of a fairy godmother. Don't underestimate my revulsion towards conservatives, but I always wish their leadership heads this country in a positive direction and then they can be re-elected based upon their merits. I predict often that they will fail, but I do not wish that were the case.
Conservatism is at its base a belief in responsibility, inaction, and liberty. Our founding fathers were radicals only in their decision to create this country; otherwise, our country began as an extremely free, slightly uptight democracy. With money and necessity, we have adapted into a far more socialist nation, helping the poor, elderly, and unfortunate while keeping the powerful somewhat in check. To say I believe in conservative spending would not be untrue, but at what cost? Is the general welfare worth saving a rich man 1% on his taxes? The Republicans will get a chance to try and persuade you.
They will do things that in no way benefit those angry constituents by which they were just elected. Then, they will blame the President for "crippling" the government with vetoes, judicial appointments, and the daily "What the Fuck Does This Matter? Subpoena."* Then, they will nominate someone who is not controversial for President.
*Sponsored by the all-new KY Grape Jelly, For the Congressman Who Needs a Good Mouth Lube to Start the Day
Then again, who's electable nationally for this party anymore? Here's who they get to choose from and why they aren't GOP Presidential material:
Sarah Palin: Dumb, vitriolic, a woman, represents 2% of Americans(White idiotic tea party females), and quite possibly a polar bear sniper
Mitt Romney: Too open to listening to reasoned arguments by Democrats, bigger issue to GOP that he's Mormon, first name is appropriate for 1950's bully
Eric Cantor: Looks like a dick, sounds like a dick, is most certainly a dick
John Boehner: Limited spray tan budget for election cycle, secretly a Muslim
Mike Huckabee: Jesus thinks he's too religious, Arkansas is still a hole after both Clinton and he were governor
Newt Gingrich: Who?
Rudy Guiliani:Taking credit for your cities response during 9/11 makes Cantor look likable, Everyone hates the Yankees
Bobby Jindal: Heh, tea-party voters (who aren't racists) voting for an Indian-American, Apu jokes getting old
Lindsey Graham: Look at his eyes and tell me you don't see a sociopath, kills transients, making a skin suit out of fat co-eds
Chris Christie: Has grown fat off of eating spray-tanned guidos which terrifies Boehner, most likely Jabba the Hutt, most people still consider Jersey to be New York's landfill
So congratulations to whomever comes out of that cluster-fuck, as Jon Stewart would put it, they get to lose to Obama by a large margin when the GOP commits seppeku with a Frisbee* to retain its honor. And for all that Obama has failed at doing, he still has six years to correct it, and I'm just hoping he will fail because he's a Democrat.** But he might not get the chance if this guy runs...............
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| Now that's change we can believe in.*** |
**But mostly because he's Kenyan and addicted to shoot-arounds
***Much funnier if you think he's referring to.
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