A question to start: What is the stupidest thing you ever purchased?
Thoughts on the World Cup Draw
Height-Induced Alpha Male Syndrome
What our music collection says about us?
Why Gingers are horribly Oppressed?
Poetry from a younger, perhaps darker Joe
A question to start: What is the stupidest thing you ever purchased?
I read this question on Royals Review, a site for Royals fans that I frequently peruse, and answered it thusly.
The second Hootie and the Blowfish album, maybe the pull-up bar that goes on my door, sometimes MLB 2K9 tops the list.
While quite random, I didn't put much thought into the list. To start, I own a Creed CD, which is by far worse than that Hootie album. Secondly, I use the pull-up bar, it just isn't extremely useful. MLB 2K9 actually really sucks, because the salary caps make the Franchise mode unrealistic, which leaves the best players in the game as free agents and unsigned.
Now, in reality, what would top my list? Any jewelry I have purchased or had purchased for me is a certainty. Dating someone prone to losing jewelry or prone to getting things stolen due to general incompetence is one reason. Another is, I've always found jewelry as a detriment or negative sign towards the potential of a relationship. Rings for engagement and marriage aside, has anyone had a Kay jeweler moment in their life?* Or does the crappy gift you bought, say something about the needs of your significant other to be constantly reminded of your love at your considerable expense. Or perhaps are you using the jewelry out of either lack of creativity or your own failings as a companion. Generally, this is the rule for men, judging that we don't take time to understand women.*** Note, I'll include the watch I was bought and my class ring, since I don't really have a relationship with time or high school experiences. It's not about the actual gifts, women and men love shiny things. It's that usually the thought behind them is lacking, and there is no reason to dent your account for purchases that mean nothing. This just applies to my case, but then again, I think it was my parents money.
*I hate those commercials, certainly more seeing them during sports broadcasts because they can tell the men watching are probably neglecting their loved ones at the current moment. Other than dating a deaf women, that actually sounds promising.
**Oh, buying jewelry did work for Kobe. So if you are accused of rape, buying your wife jewelry may help.
***Yes, I realize this whole paragraph shows that I do not understand the importance of jewelry to women.
Oh, and that movie ticket for "Driven" was extremely stupid.
Question:What is the stupidest thing you ever bought?
Thoughts on the World Cup Draw
I've never been excited by such a boring event as this. I had that feeling you get when you spot woman that you fancy.* I was pumped, and the result was better than I could have expected. With the exception of wanting to vomit upon Mexico getting grouped with South Africa, it played out perfectly. The US got a traditionally slow-staring England to open the tournament, and followed this with getting the two weakest teams in the next two pods.
*Yes, I used fancy as a verb.
While this is arguable, the US could very well lose all three matches, they should be favored in two, and certainly better off than having to face Brazil, or worse Spain in a rematch of June's upset victory. I think not only could the US advance they could shock everyone and win this group. Since getting second means a 2nd round match against the steady Germans, winning the pool helps. I doubt they will, but it's better than 2006 where the group featured the world #2, Africa's #2 team, and perennial power Italy. Good day to be Yank, or a Limey for that matter.
Question:If football is your thing, how do you feel about our draw? If not, how do you feel about me calling "soccer" football?
Height-Induced Alpha Male Syndrome
I am an average sized man, which is what happens when your parents are average sized, you don't overeat or exercise profusely, and you have no medical issues. So when I go out anywhere, I am usually guaranteed to be surrounded by men taller and shorter than me, usually in almost equal proportions. This is great at maintaining a level head and suppressing the eternal wish of supremacy fighting to exert control over any male. So I go out on Friday night, and we arrive first at Maggie O'Brien's. In the back at Maggie O's, they were having a rugby party.
I tried out rugby when I started at Rolla, due to a lack of football in my life and a lack of anything cool to do in Thomas Jefferson Hall. So I'm not a small guy, but neither am I a semi-professional Rugby player. So I was either smaller than everyone there or if bigger, in quite worse shape than them. So here is me, facing an inferiority complex, that luckily I have had for a while due to other factors. So I manage that just fine, with humor and story-telling that borders on inappropriate and ridiculous.
Upon leaving to our next destination, my inferiority lessened and we arrived at Harry's. Now, at Harry's something unique happened, I stumbled into a leprechaun convention. Perhaps that is exaggeration, but there certainly were no men taller than 5'8", maybe 5'6". It looked as if I were walking on stilts, and even a Ginger can feel good if faced with an army of lawn gnomes. This I handled with no grace at all, a few insults and I looked down upon everyone, but how is this my fault? Luckily, as the night went on, a few taller gentlemen joined the fray, but by then I was already pretty sure of my general superiority in all fashions, or at least power-drunk enough to not care.
My question here: Is this how douches feel all the time, because it makes much more sense now? If you are not a douche, just answer yes.
What our music collection says about us?
While driving home last night, my mp3 player blared Marvin Gaye. I love his music, because singing his songs make me achieve an irrational level of happiness. For example, "Let's Get It On" is perhaps the least creative song of all time, unless a parody of every love song ever written. It's slightly degrading at moments, loving, and of course sexy without a hint of subtlety. When I sing said song, as I am wont do while driving, I don't think there could possibly be anything wrong in the world. The fact that I know the "oohs" and primal grunts Marvin does in the song exacerbates the fact that this song means so much and absolutely nothing to me. This is an example of the songs your parents played when you were young. A formative part of your catalog, but not a definition of yourself.
Now, there is the Matchbox Twenty, Wallflowers, and Cake. These songs are a part of my digression from my influenced choices into making poor choices for myself. None of these bands are really impressive to hear, though neither are they bad. They are pop-rock, not particularly innovative but consistent. A good stopping point for a young man adrift in the years of adolescence. Highlights of these songs are signs of depression, but you have no idea what about. So now, "One Headlight" brings me down, though I can still see myself rocking out to it in junior high.
Since my descent into musical purgatory I have emerged into what assholes call good music, and idiots call indie rock. I say this, because all indie fans myself included, have a self-inflated view of their musical tastes; therefore, everything you like sucks. However, Indie is a very broad label, as it means what it says, artists without big label contracts. So I range all over the spectrum, somewhere from country to Creepy goth. This says volumes about my personality. My preferences towards female solo artists says I actually care what women think and put women on pedestals they by no means deserve, at least in my experience. My preference towards the creepy goth dance music, probably says something I don't want to say aloud. My devotion to alternative country is an ode to my hatred of traditional country, and it's part in my formative years. Also, it says my brother has good taste.
Now, I make judgments upon people from their tastes. People who like rap, generally think it's cultural or like to dance. Pop fans think pop music is what cool kids listen to. Country fans grew up on it, or couldn't find a proper music for Christian conservative white people to listen to. Christian rock fans obviously think God doesn't judge one's tastes. Metal fans have issues, Electronica and techno fans needed a sound track for either pornography or World of Warcraft. People who make any music had enough talent to escape the horror of being defined by what one listens to.
Shockingly obvious question: What does your music collection say about you?
Why Gingers are Horribly Oppressed?
So another "Kick a Ginger Day" passed last month, and once again, some regular children took their aggression out on a poor soul-less Ginger. Of course, this all stems from a South Park episode and Facebook, as so many problems do. First, having young children watching South Park or on Facebook is a perfect example of absentee parenting. Secondly, not teaching your children about humor should be criminally punishable. Sure, I get it. You were born beautiful and you were never required to improve yourself by learning, dressing well, working out, learning how to listen, how to take a joke, or how to tell one. I know that makes Ginger kids frightening to you, with their unique actions and personalities.
Next thing you know, they'll be suggesting strange things like your children are assholes and their parents should be able to tell that since their heads have been up one since they were that age. The problem with Gingers is essentially; we actually have to develop secondary skills to better our social lives.* One of these is a sense of humor, and in this case it would be useful.
School lesson for the day: See kids, this is what we call a joke. If someone tells you go beat up somebody because of their looks, you laugh because the idea is completely ridiculous. Oh, too many big words. No hit, red-head. Read books, get smart, and stop being a dumb-ass. Repeat this to parents, "Learn to raise me better. I'll write this one down for you. "Let me watch satirical programs when both you and I understand the meaning of the word satire."
*Well, not the Ginger girls, because they eventually evolve into this:
While men have a 50/50 chance of these:
Note:Some strange women want to be gingers, because frankly, if you can work it, it's ridiculously stunning.
Question:What is more hilarious: kicking a Ginger or children getting ideas from the Internet and South Park?
Even tossup?
Shitty Poetry from a Younger, Perhaps Darker Joe
I had a poem published in a magazine when I was in 5th grade. I always wonder what it said or contained. Hmmm...some things must be never found. Here's a poem I wrote a ways back about my first irrational fear.
The Dark
When I was young I feared you
But you’ve lost that hold on me
The truth is I miss the fear
And being unable to see
Now, I sit here
Lost in my own thoughts
Immobile and translucent
But no longer afraid
My eyes pierce you
Casting away the deception
Finding a light of my own
Walking no longer in your darkness
I walk with open eyes
Seeing all the night offers
And I am at peace
The night holds no secret for me
For now, I am free of you
But never free of the fear
Forever doomed as I am
To find you when all is done
Question:If you were afraid on the dark, what was you reasoning? Mine was basement monsters, but my basement was a labyrinth of horror.
